Surviving Cancer Twice

My Unexpected Transformation

Looking back, I find it interesting how I drove so fast on some of life's rough and winding roads that I careened out of control around a sharp corner and crashed into a mountain. Well, that mountain was cancer and...actually, I "crashed" into it TWICE! Thankfully, I survived, though not unscathed.

Bashed and battered, inside and out, it took me some time to learn how to carefully "drive" and navigate life. And what an adventure it has been since! I now realize that getting breast cancer in 2013 and ovarian cancer in 2016 were reality checks that forced me to face my fears, respect myself and savor life.

Before cancer, I was a successful human resources executive; a self-admitted workaholic who thrived in chaos and stressful situations. I was the problem solver, the peace maker and the moral compass. Nothing wrong with that, except, I believed that I was superwoman and could take care of everyone's needs, while ignoring my own. You see, when I was a little girl, I was told that I had to be the personification of my name: Amor, which means "love" in many languages. I took that responsibility seriously, but unknowingly, also took it to the extreme. I lived my life believing that I had to always be the giver, that I couldn't question nor argue nor feel negatively about anything or anyone. Sure, I was the personification of love for others, but I was actually dying inside. I kept taking myself and my health for granted, and In doing so, constantly walked on eggshells, developed many fears and had low self-esteem.

Eventually, cancer knocked me so hard on the head that I was reeling! You'd think that I'd go downhill even further from there, but actually (and surprisingly), the opposite happened!

Going through the challenges of my first cancer (breast), I had to focus on my needs and allow others to take care of me. The tables had turned and it was hard for me, at first. This time, I was the receiver, not the giver. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelmingly beautiful!

Me, in the ICU, after my mastectomy & diep flap reconstruction surgery saying, "YAY, my cancerous boob is gone!"

What a gift! I also discovered strengths I didn't know I had in me, i.e. the strength to control my mind and my spirit to beat this cancer. It was such a revelation and I grew immensely from it!

When I was told that I had cancer again (ovarian), I realized that I had more work to do to take care of myself, and though I was armed with wisdom from my previous cancer, I knew I had to dig deeper. What I discovered was an indescribable depth of joy and peace and a life filled with hope and beautiful possibilities.

I now drive life's rough and winding roads with care, immense gratitude and awe for all that I've been blessed with. No longer do I have fears or low self esteem. Now, I am strong, confident and truly happy. Best of all, I am free to be me... to spread my wings and soar toward all of life's amazing possibilities! I thrive in life, despite cancer and because of it!

My Ovarian Cancer Journey

Diagnosed in March 2016, my ovarian cancer journey was a different ballgame from my breast cancer journey. The treatments were physically tougher and on another level. However, I was able to cope better mentally and emotionally for two reasons: (1) I had wisdom gained from my past experience with cancer to apply, and (2) aside from the support I received from my awesome Catherine and my loving family and friends, Bill was with me all the way. My faith also deepened, as did my desire to be true to who I am, which opened up such awesome possibilities in life for me! It was surprisingly amazing to realize how much cancer pushed me to take better care of my health (physical, spiritual, emotional & mental) and focus on what is really important in life (hint: it's not anything that money can buy)!

Here are some pictures of my ovarian cancer adventures. It started with a radical hysterectomy, followed by chemotherapy that got me to first get a pixie cut when strands of my hair started falling out fast. When clumps of my hair were leaving my head, that's when I organized my head-shaving party with my beloved family and friends. I took the attitude of: "So what if I don't have hair. I'll just ROCK MY BALD HEAD!" After six months of chemo -- with a "scary hiccup" aka threat of possible spread or recurrence in between -- I received my NED (no evidence of disease) declaration and had a super FABulous celebration! (courtesy of my angel BFF Val & hubby James).

My Breast Cancer Journey

Diagnosed in May 2013, my breast cancer journey was very much like a roller-coaster ride. Initially, I was in shock and didn't know what I could do and if I would come out of it alive. I kept my fears and insecurities to myself and tried to smile through my challenges. It was extremely tough, but as I look back, I am awed at two things: the overwhelmingly beautiful love and support I received from my amazing family & friends, and how much I grew in strength ... truly, much more in spirit and determination than in health.

Below are a few pictures of my journey, starting from a picture of me smiling in the ICU and with Dr. Kagan to my rescue by 911 paramedic firefighters (I had developed a high fever) to my days in the hospital trying to recover from my staph infection & sepsis and, finally, to the PINK celebration of my remission from breast cancer (courtesy of my awesome angel Sidonie!)

One of my favorite sayings.
It resonates so much with me,
because it is EXACTLY how I feel!

"Every morning I awake torn between

my desire to savor the world

and my desire to save it.

This makes it hard to plan my day."